


Cold Sheets

by FairyHearts



Category: Fairy Tail
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, F/F, Femslash February 2020, Pining, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-27
Updated: 2020-02-27
Packaged: 2021-03-12 20:29:41
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 706
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22920325
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FairyHearts/pseuds/FairyHearts
Summary: Lucy recalls the pain of her worst heartache.
Relationships: Cana Alberona/Lucy Heartfilia
Comments: 1
Kudos: 3
Collections: Femslash Fairies 2020





	Cold Sheets

Longing, they say, can be deadly. I didn’t think that was true until I got dumped by my ex girlfriend. Cana and I had a good run, we held on for three long years when some couples are lucky to make it a whole three months. As a journalist I’d read all the novels. Cheap romances thrown away and heartache romanticized and glorified suffering thrown into the most toxic hetero driven relationships I’d read about.

They were all the same thing. Good girl falls for bad boy and gets hurt, or nice guy meets hot chick at a bar and takes her home, or romantic hunk sweeps princess off her feet and it was all wine and roses and satin sheets and I found it all disgusting. Everyone told me it was probably because I had unrealistic views of romance. Every attempt to date a man failed and they told me I set my standards too high. I spent my mid life crisis at 21 trying to figure out why I was different, what was wrong with me. It turned out it wasn’t me. It was because I was longing for one thing while trying to push myself into another cookie cutter mold that I couldn’t fit. A rose can’t bloom through solid concrete.

The more I tried to fit their mold, the more painful it was. Empty, lost, I felt like I was reaching into a never ending abyss of nothingness and I’d never find anyone reaching back. There would never be a hand to catch me and then I met her. That void was filled, even if for a short while, with what I had thought to be love. I was happy with Cana and we built up something special, or so I felt it was. But we were headed down different roads and though moving on was the hardest thing I had to do, I couldn’t stay there with her. We had different dreams, different goals, it wouldn’t have worked, no matter how we tried. And I was left alone to cuddle a pillow and try to find anything to fill that void when she moved out. Cold sheets are anything but comforting.

The worst part was, I couldn’t talk about it openly. Not that I think our friends would have minded, but we were closeted. To the public Cana and I were just room mates, only a few close friends knew the truth and the depth of our relationship. To the majority of people who knew us, we were best friends ending a long running friendship. But to those close friends in our lives, we were one soul in two bodied, forever separating to never meet again.

It was painful going to the bar again, knowing as soon as I walked in, the first thing people would ask is “How is she?” The worst pain in the world is having to run into someone you thought you were going to spend the rest of your life with and have to look the other way when your stomach ties itself in a knot because she’s in another woman’s arms already and you only have a small circle of about six friends who knew both of you so you know they’re going to ask and then run and tell her what you said. I only answered as best as I could. “I wouldn’t know. We haven’t been talking.”

The tried to say she was giving me space to move on. All that told me was she wanted me out of her life. I’m not sure what hurts worse, the fact we spent all those years together and she let go so easily, clearly showing me I didn’t matter to her like I thought I had…or the fact that all I can do about it is let go as well and get on with my life.

Longing, they say, can be deadly and I believe it. When she left it was like a knife plunged into my heart and now the wound is infected, festering. Sometimes I feel invisible to her, as if what we had never happened, or like it never mattered either way. And right now I don’t know which hurts worse.


End file.
